Adult Peer Pressure

When we think of peer pressure, adolescence comes to mind. Truth is adults are just as prone to peer pressure (or being influenced by others) as teenagers.

 Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy. (Galatians 2:11-13)

 This is a classic example of peer pressure. Peter who had a prominent role in the spreading of the gospel influenced other Jews, and in particular Barnabas, not to eat with Gentiles when men sent by James were with them.

Peter “feared those who were of the circumcision”. He was also being influenced by peer pressure from those Jewish Christians who wanted to keep themselves separate from the Gentile Christians. Peter not only sinned, but influenced others to participate in the sin with him. The sin of hypocrisy.

           

Peter must have learned from this experience because in I Peter 4:3-4 he admonishes  the brethren:   

For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles--when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you.

Diotrephes in 3^rd John used his influence to stop others from accepting or welcoming those sent by John. He used the threat of putting them out of the church if they didn’t do as he wanted them to.  In verse 11, John admonishes Gaius: 

Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God.

The Old Testament is full of examples where the Israelites imitated what the nations around them were doing. They were being influenced to worship false gods and engage in sinful behavior.

 They imitated the nations around them although the Lord had ordered them, "Do not do as they do," and they did the things the Lord had forbidden them to do. (II Kings 17:15)

Two prime examples of those who didn’t let themselves to be influenced by others were Joseph and Daniel.  We are all familiar with the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. She could have easily influenced Joseph to commit adultery with her, but instead he chose to run away from her. He didn’t allow himself to be pressured into something he knew was wrong.

We see the same thing with Daniel.  In chapter 6 of Daniel, we see the decree made by Darius that all men must pray to him only and not to any other god or man. Daniel, knowing that he could be killed if he didn’t comply with this decree, refused to bow down to Darius and still prayed to God Jehovah three times a day, as was his custom. He didn’t let even the threat of death influence his devotion to God.  (We could even look to the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in chapter 3, to see their example of not being pressured into worshipping the image of Nebuchadnezzar, even to the point of death.)

Just as in adolescence, adults can choose to let positive or negative peer pressure influence them. The best positive peer pressure is summed up by Paul in I Corinthians 11:1, 

Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ. 

And in Hebrews 6:12,

 ...but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

We need to seek out those positive influences and follow them, and when we see that we are being influenced by negative or sinful behavior, we need to be like Joseph and RUN!!

Peer Pressure

As children grow, develop, and move into early adolescence, involvement with one's friends (peers) and the attraction of identifying with them increases. As they become pre-adolescents and begin rapid physical, emotional and social changes, they begin to question adult standards and the need for parental guidance. They turn to friends for advice, who they see as someone that understands and sympathizes with what they are going through. By “testing the waters” and their ideas with their friends, there is less fear of being ridiculed or “preached to” by those older. Yet, mention the word "peer pressure" and many adults cringe because the words are laden with negative connotations. The idea that someone, or something, influences our children into learning dangerous and destructive behavior by discarding all they’ve been taught, scares us.

The fact is, peer pressure can be positive. It keeps youth participating in church activities, joining clubs and playing on sports teams.  The peer group is a source of affection, comradeship, sympathy and understanding and a supportive setting for achieving the two primary developmental tasks of adolescence. These are: (1) identity — finding the answer to the question "Who Am I?" and (2) autonomy — discovering self as separate and independent from parents. It is no wonder, then, that adolescents like to spend time with their friends.

At this stage of development, Pre-teens and teens begin to branch out and spend increasing more time with those who are the same age, have similar taste and interests. Because of this they begin to pull away from spending so much of their leisure time with family. No wonder we are scared of this phase of their life, but it is an essential element in their becoming well rounded functioning adults.  

            “The adult perception of peers as having one culture or a unified front of dangerous influence, is inaccurate. More often than not, peers reinforce family values, but they have the potential to encourage problem behaviors as well. Although the negative peer influence is overemphasized, more can be done to help teenagers experience the family and the peer group as mutually constructive environments.”  *

As Christian parents there are some things we can do to make sure our children are being influenced by positive peer pressure. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Develop relationships with other Christians who have children your child’s age. It’s never too early to develop these relationships. Begin by inviting a family for a meal in your home. Plan outings that involve the parents and the children
2. Encourage your child to make friends with others in the congregation:  Encourage your child to spend time with others. Have them invite someone to have a sleep over, or spend the afternoon on Sunday. If your child is shy, try the first suggestion. You’ll be surprised how fast friendships can develop just by having another family over for a meal.
3. Plan parties or activities in your home. Invite pre-teens or teenagers from the congregation to your home for supervised activities.  Plan wholesome entertainment that will be enjoyable for them. If your congregation doesn’t have many teens, invite them from other congregations in your area. Set up a monthly get-together that the kids can look forward to.
4. Plan “alternative parties” for Prom night. Get with other parents and plan a party or dinner on the same night as school proms or other school functions (or New Year’s Eve) you don’t want your child involved in. Make it modest formal apparel.  This gives the girls (and boys) a chance to “dress up”.
5. Know who, how, what, where, when. Know who your child is going out with, how they will be going (transportation), what they will be doing, and where they will be.  Set curfews and stick with them, unless there is an emergency.  Don’t always expect the other child’s parents to do the taking and picking up. Volunteer to provide the transportation, that way you control when they go and come back. If there is a change in plans, let your child know that you need to be informed and must give permission for the change.
6. Get them off social media, computer games and other distractions and involve them in actual face to face activities with others their age. Take a group to the zoo, pizza night, get up a game of baseball, do crafts, go to the beach, have a bible study in your home with age appropriate lessons - just get them to interact with each other.   
7. Set a good example yourself by forming friendships with other Christians and put emphasis on those relationships so your child sees how important it is to you to have those types of influences in your life.
8. Dee Bowman used to tell the story that when his son would go out with others, he would tell him, “remember who you are” In other words, remember that you are a Christian, a Child of God. Wow, that’s powerful!

 Getting your child involved with others who will have a positive influence on them while they are still young will go a long way in preventing them from running around with the “wrong crowd” when they become older. 

Next week: Adult Peer Pressure 

*Excerpt from Adolescence and Peer Pressure by Herbert G. Lingren,

Extension Family Scientist,

 Nebraska Cooperative Extension Service

Dare to Be Different

Note: This post is mainly talking to teenagers or younger Christians, but can easily be applied to us as adults. We need to be reminded of these things once in a while so we don’t slip back into them.

Throughout the ages teens have desired to be “different” (if you don’t think that’s true, just ask your parents or grandparents).  They long to establish their own identity that is unique from anyone else and have people to notice them. More times than not they look, sound and act like everyone else around them. The current trend is body piercings, tattoos, and wearing skimpy clothing that reveal body parts that should never see the light of day. Language is used that would make a seasoned sailor blush. In their quest to be different they all end up pretty much the same.

 Webster defines different as: “(1) partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality, (2) not the same as”. Do you desire to be different, to stand out from others?

There is one way to be different than most of the teens around you and that’s living a Christian life. Jesus called his followers to be “lights unto the world” (Matt 5:14-16). Light is something that gets noticed, especially in a dark room. Jesus in this passage in Matthew is contrasting the life his followers were to lead and the world.  They were lights to the world, they were to be different and shine forth to be seen of the world so the world would know that they were different—that they were of God.

God has always commanded that his children be different from those around them. He has commanded that from the beginning. 

“Now therefore, make confession to the LORD God of your fathers, and do His will; separate yourselves from the peoples of the land, ...."  (Ezra 10:11)

 “When you come into the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominations of those nations” (Deu. 18:9)

He expects us to do the same today, 

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” (Rom 12.2) 

Conformed means to fashion or shape one thing like another. In other words, we are to be different (partly or totally unlike in nature) than those of the world.

How can you be different from others? There are many ways in which a Christian should be different from those of the world. I will only touch on a few here that affect your everyday lives and seem to be the most important to teens.

Dress—

”women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” (I Timothy 2:9-10). 

Modest is to be orderly, well-arranged, decent, that which is proper. With propriety (what is becoming or proper) and moderation (limit) means not to dress to be noticed or to bring undue attention to yourself. Think for a minute…If you are wearing an outfit that shows too much cleavage (shows your breast), or is too short that your belly button shows, will you bring attention to yourself? What about pants that are too tight or too low on your hips where when you bend over your buttocks show?  What about a skirt or shorts that are too short that you have to keep constantly pulling them down? I just described the clothing being worn by teenage girls (and adult women also). Just think for a minute….Do you think people will notice? You know they do and more so if they are of the opposite sex!  Does God approve? This verse says He wouldn’t. Dare to be different. Dress in a way that God would approve—modestly.

Speech—

”You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain” (Ex. 20:7) 

 Vain means empty or without cause. To use the Lord’s name as if it were a common ordinary word is to degrade Him and show disrespect for him as Jehovah God. The most common expletive used today is God’s name. An expletive is an obscene or profane word; a word added as a filler (in other words, it’s not a needed word, it’s just added). Do you use “OMG”?  Do you stop and think what you’re really saying before you say it?  Why are you using this? Are you trying to be like those around you? To fit in? 

“But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.” (Col. 3:8) 

Dare to be different. Don’t use the Lord’s name as if it were a curse word. Don’t use filthy language, which could be anything from cussing to calling people names.

Conduct—

”Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” (I Peter 2:11-12 NIV) 

We are to live so as to show we are different than those around us. We are not to participate in sinful things. If someone calls you “goody two shoes”, take it as a compliment. You are doing what the Lord wants you to do. 

“In the time past you did the same things as people who do not believe God. Let that be enough. You did things you should be ashamed of. You did what you wanted to do. You got drunk. You got into fights. You took part in noisy feasting with dancing. You did wrong by worshiping idols. Those people are surprised now that you do not do the same wrong things they do...” (I Peter 4:3-4WE).

Do something before you leave the house in the morning.  Check yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself, "do I look like I'm professing Christ or do I look like I'm trying to fit in with the world?" If you answer "yes" to the last question, turn around and change your clothes.  Then check yourself again and say to yourself, "Today I'll act and talk like Christ would have me do." Then go out and do it.  Do you think people will notice the difference? Most definitely. Dare to be truly different.