Peer Pressure

As children grow, develop, and move into early adolescence, involvement with one's friends (peers) and the attraction of identifying with them increases. As they become pre-adolescents and begin rapid physical, emotional and social changes, they begin to question adult standards and the need for parental guidance. They turn to friends for advice, who they see as someone that understands and sympathizes with what they are going through. By “testing the waters” and their ideas with their friends, there is less fear of being ridiculed or “preached to” by those older. Yet, mention the word "peer pressure" and many adults cringe because the words are laden with negative connotations. The idea that someone, or something, influences our children into learning dangerous and destructive behavior by discarding all they’ve been taught, scares us.

The fact is, peer pressure can be positive. It keeps youth participating in church activities, joining clubs and playing on sports teams.  The peer group is a source of affection, comradeship, sympathy and understanding and a supportive setting for achieving the two primary developmental tasks of adolescence. These are: (1) identity — finding the answer to the question "Who Am I?" and (2) autonomy — discovering self as separate and independent from parents. It is no wonder, then, that adolescents like to spend time with their friends.

At this stage of development, Pre-teens and teens begin to branch out and spend increasing more time with those who are the same age, have similar taste and interests. Because of this they begin to pull away from spending so much of their leisure time with family. No wonder we are scared of this phase of their life, but it is an essential element in their becoming well rounded functioning adults.  

            “The adult perception of peers as having one culture or a unified front of dangerous influence, is inaccurate. More often than not, peers reinforce family values, but they have the potential to encourage problem behaviors as well. Although the negative peer influence is overemphasized, more can be done to help teenagers experience the family and the peer group as mutually constructive environments.”  *

As Christian parents there are some things we can do to make sure our children are being influenced by positive peer pressure. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Develop relationships with other Christians who have children your child’s age. It’s never too early to develop these relationships. Begin by inviting a family for a meal in your home. Plan outings that involve the parents and the children
2. Encourage your child to make friends with others in the congregation:  Encourage your child to spend time with others. Have them invite someone to have a sleep over, or spend the afternoon on Sunday. If your child is shy, try the first suggestion. You’ll be surprised how fast friendships can develop just by having another family over for a meal.
3. Plan parties or activities in your home. Invite pre-teens or teenagers from the congregation to your home for supervised activities.  Plan wholesome entertainment that will be enjoyable for them. If your congregation doesn’t have many teens, invite them from other congregations in your area. Set up a monthly get-together that the kids can look forward to.
4. Plan “alternative parties” for Prom night. Get with other parents and plan a party or dinner on the same night as school proms or other school functions (or New Year’s Eve) you don’t want your child involved in. Make it modest formal apparel.  This gives the girls (and boys) a chance to “dress up”.
5. Know who, how, what, where, when. Know who your child is going out with, how they will be going (transportation), what they will be doing, and where they will be.  Set curfews and stick with them, unless there is an emergency.  Don’t always expect the other child’s parents to do the taking and picking up. Volunteer to provide the transportation, that way you control when they go and come back. If there is a change in plans, let your child know that you need to be informed and must give permission for the change.
6. Get them off social media, computer games and other distractions and involve them in actual face to face activities with others their age. Take a group to the zoo, pizza night, get up a game of baseball, do crafts, go to the beach, have a bible study in your home with age appropriate lessons - just get them to interact with each other.   
7. Set a good example yourself by forming friendships with other Christians and put emphasis on those relationships so your child sees how important it is to you to have those types of influences in your life.
8. Dee Bowman used to tell the story that when his son would go out with others, he would tell him, “remember who you are” In other words, remember that you are a Christian, a Child of God. Wow, that’s powerful!

 Getting your child involved with others who will have a positive influence on them while they are still young will go a long way in preventing them from running around with the “wrong crowd” when they become older. 

Next week: Adult Peer Pressure 

*Excerpt from Adolescence and Peer Pressure by Herbert G. Lingren,

Extension Family Scientist,

 Nebraska Cooperative Extension Service