Demonstrating Love

If your husband said that he loves you, but doesn’t demonstrate that love by providing for you or doesn’t express that love in the giving of gifts or doing little special things for you, would you believe he was sincere in his love for you? You look to your husband’s actions to validate his love for you.

If you tell your children that you love them but fail to express that love in caring, nurturing and providing for their needs, will they truly believe that you love them?

We have an expression in this country, “Actions speak louder than words”. We would all agree that this is a very true statement. Saying you love someone and demonstrating that love through actions are two different things.

If we can understand this in the physical world, then why do we have trouble seeing it in the spiritual world? Jesus requires us to demonstrate our love for him by our actions, not just by our verbal assertion.

He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. —John 14:21

After Jesus had risen from the grave he met with the disciples three times. At the third meeting Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Feed My lambs." (John 21:15-17) Three times Jesus said this trying to stress to Peter that he must do something to demonstrate his love for Jesus. Just saying “I love you Lord” was not enough.

The same is true of our faith. If we don’t demonstrate our faith in Jesus through our actions, what good is it? The religious world has a real problem with this.  They are caught up in the false doctrine of faith only. They are not willing to admit that there are actions that must go with our faith for it to be validated. Their “sinner’s prayer” is a great example of this. In part it says, “I love you Lord, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. Come into my heart and become my Savior”. How did they demonstrate their love for God? What actions proved their faith?  James says in James 2:17 “faith without works is dead”.  A demonstrated faith is required by God. 

Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.-James 2:17

 Demonstrate your faith and love in the Lord not just by saying “I love you Lord, I believe in you”, back it up with action.

 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith, and I have works." Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works—James 2:14-18

Leadership & Subjection

My husband, Ricardo, has been leading a class on Wednesday morning on Marriage Enrichment.  We are watching a video of a seminar given several years ago and then discussing what was taught in the video. We’ve been married 40 years (this month), so what could this class possibly teach us?  Plenty! Married couples get into a rut, get busy with other things/people, or get lazy and our marriages suffer for it. We all need a refresher course once in a while to get us back on tract.

The 5^th chapter of Ephesian should always be front and center in any marriage:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. – Eph. 5:22-24

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself…each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Eph. 5:25, 28b, 33

One area where we may need a refresher is in our roles of leadership and subjection. These are not easy things to discuss in this day and age where the lines have become so blurred between the two that no one truly understands the distinction between them and, how they support, balance, and protect each other.

Learning and living our roles

Godly subjection and loving leadership demand that both the husband and the wife learn what their roles are in the marriage and how they are to go about living those roles.  This takes studying God’s Word to appreciate what our roles are and aren’t. First and foremost, we need to recognize that fulfilling these roles require sacrifice on the part of both husband and wife.  Selfishness has no place in a marriage. 

The Husband Proves Himself Loving

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.”  - Col. 3:9

This verse doesn’t say, “Wives, see to it that your husband loves you and aren’t embittered against you.” Instead, it says, “Husbands, love your wives.” Likewise, God directs every other verse that deals with a husband loving his wife toward the husband, not the wife. (Eph. 5:23-33). God places the responsibility for a husband loving his wife upon the husband’s shoulders. A wife cannot make her husband love her.

In loving his wife, a man acts in her best interest. He guides, guards, listens to her needs and provides for her. He does this unselfishly without thought as to what’s in it for him. Even if his wife takes him for granted, God still expects the husband to continue sacrificing himself for her and acting in her best interest.

The Wife Proves Herself Submissive

 “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they behold you chaste and respectful behavior”  - I Pet. 3:1- 2

Many husbands falsely assume that they are to force their wives to be submissive, Yet the verse doesn’t say “Husbands, place your wives in subjection,” but “Wives, be subject to your own husband, In all the commands concerning subjection, God tells the wife to submit herself (Eph. 5:22; Tit. 2:4-5; Col. 3:18; I Pet. 3:6; and Gen. 3:16) Subjection being a freewill act on the wife’s part is probably the most misunderstood facet of subjection.

           

God gives the command to be submissive to the wife, just as the church is submissive to Christ, and He holds her, not the man, responsible for obeying it.  God nowhere gives men the authority to force subjection upon their wives, but consistently commands women to place themselves in a sphere of obedience. A woman is to submit to her husband because she fears God, not because she fears her husband.

In properly submitting to her husband, a wife acts in his best interest. She acknowledges his leadership (I Peter 3:6), encourages him to lead and looks to him for guidance, protection and sustenance while providing for his needs.

Requires Sacrifices

The husband gives himself up just as Christ gave Himself up for the church. (Eph. 5:25). Christ gave the supreme example for a loving husband by dying for His bride (the church). In this same manner, God expects a husband to deny himself to the point of giving up his life to preserve the life of his wife.

By fully submitting to her husband as God wills (I Peter 3:1-2), a wife may have to give up a career, her “rights”, independent nature, etc. She allows her husband to fulfill his role of leadership, respects his decisions, even when she may not agree with them, and follows his lead. She doesn’t take it upon herself to do the leading, even if she thinks he’s not doing his job.

Both husband and wife must make sacrifices for the marriage to work. This is not a 50/50 deal, it’s a 100/100 deal. All your effort needs to be directed towards making the marriage work. You can’t give yourself 50% to a marriage and expect it to last. It demands a full time, “all in it for the long run” effort. When both subjection and leadership is properly practiced, personal happiness and a successful marriage result.